Living life, no really.....

Disclaimer, the beginning of this might not be the usual upbeat thing I normally write, but (there will still be humor)... Let me paint a picture for you:

Picture a dog on a chain that runs between a couple of trees, the dog is hooked by a leash to a rope so he can run back and forth quite a distance between the two trees so he feels quite a bit of freedom and enjoys the days in the sun running back and forth, life is good, he's feeling the freedom of the running, then he kind of forgets the leash is there and he spots something in the distance and he starts panting and thinking wow, it's right there, I can get it, and he starts to run for it and he gets faster and faster, and faster, and snap!  All of a sudden the leash snaps him back to reality and he realizes his world is confined to the patch of dirt he has worn between the trees.  This is his life...... it is what it is.  Do you get where I'm going with this?

I want to say on the BRIGHT SIDE, the new medication is working considerably better than anything I have had in the past!  I had 3 full weeks of GREAT days with just a day or 2 of pain which is a miracle for me in the last year!!!  I haven't used the word Great in a YEAR! I got so used to having nearly no pain in the last three weeks (the dog forgetting his leash) I was up and going and enjoying my life.... maybe a little too much, snap!  I was brought back to reality by an incredibly bad day (actually 3).  I KNOW, lame, I know the bad days will come, it is the nature of the beast of this illness and we will all have them.  There is no cure, but Seriously when it happened I instantly saw this scenario in my mind.  I laughed out loud.  My husband was puzzled that I was in so much pain but laughing!  You gotta laugh! It feels so much better than crying!

So I'm on a combination of meds that seem to be making a big difference for me.  There is still a small amount of pain and the fatigue is maddening (side effects, on top of the fatigue caused by fibro, bummer) but this is life worth living. If anyone wants to know the exact medications, send me an email, I'd be happy to share the names.

I got to babysit my new granddaughter for the first time on Saturday and that was so sweet.  Special moments just me and her. 

I loved every second of it.  Stolen precious moments of time.  I can't get enough of this precious little angel.  I can't wait until she starts reacting back to me (smiling and cooing).

I also had the great pleasure of enjoying some time with my niece Naomi and her two children.  They stopped over on the way home from a vacation they were taking and spent the night and joined us for our annual Spanish Fork Fiesta Days celebration.  We went to the parade and carnival. 

We had a great time and my son got to catch up with his cousin that he rarely sees.  His son got to play with her two kids.  It was great to share that time together and to see my son and my niece interact as adults with their own children. (Where did the time go, it was just yesterday they were little children playing together in my back yard!) I loved watching my grown son with his son and my niece's children at the parade.  My heart swelled with pride.  He was having so much fun getting them to think he was the fun "uncle" Justin with the small fireworks he had brought (even though he is really their second cousin).

I remember always wanting to be the "FUN" Aunt T.  I think my nieces and nephews do look back on those years and think of me that way.  I loved and cherished that time in my life. I'm glad my children love being the FUN Auntie and Uncle as well. Life is short, enjoy the ride!!!

Accepting the Bad Days

I've had a full week of really Great days in a row, which has been a milestone for me!  I've been afraid to even say it for fear of jinxing it.  Could it be the new combination of meds (Savella and Lyrica) the Dr. put me on?  I haven't used the word Great to describe a day in the last six months.  Any day with my pain level being below a 5 is a really great day.  So I have really been busy with past week enjoying life. The best part of which is the grandkids.  Craiger lives in California so I don't get to see him in person every day, but we ichat.  Isn't he just adorable?

He makes me laugh on the days I need a laugh.  He is so cute and he always smiles when he sees his mimi in the box (the computer).  And then there is the new baby Brinley, oh what joy it is to have her in our lives.

To see her big brother Korbyn be so soft and sweet with her.  He gives her soft kisses on the head and is gentle and sweet around her.  Such special moments. 

So when I wake up today and it is an extremely bad day, it's ok.  For those of you out there who have ups and downs, whatever your case may be, allow yourself the bad day.  Tomorrow will be better.  Life is still good and you will have those times that you can't control.  Allow yourself those times.  Special Moments are in your future, just waiting around the bend.

The Miracle of Life

Faith is something I Feel we are born into this world with.  Little children just automatically have faith that their parents are going to take care of them.  The sun will rise tomorrow morning, life will go on.  We have faith that things in life will turn out ok.  Most of us don't think our life will take the twists and turns that sometimes it does....  This is Brinley Anne Sorensen, my beautiful new granddaughter sleeping sweetly in her daddy's arms:

The morning began just as normal, the labor was normal, not even very painful for my sweet daughter-in-law.  We assumed it would just be a run-of-the-mill delivery.  Not to be. This sweet baby almost didn't make it into our family.  By the time she was delivered there were 15 doctors and nurses in the room, her daddy (my son) was repeatedly asking "is everything ok?" and getting no answer from anyone.  The difficulty didn't end in her finally getting here, once she was here, she was not breathing and no matter what they did, they couldn't get her to breathe.  It took an army, and tons of prayers and tears.  Finally the breath came.  She's ok and we are so grateful she is ours for this time on earth.  All while this was going on her Mimi (me) was sitting in the waiting room without a clue, which was probably a good thing.  I think I would have freaked out on a doctor not giving us any answers!

I think I hugged her little brother Korbyn a little too tightly and little too many times that night.  I was too "mushy" with him.  He didn't understand why.  He was happy his little sister finally came and that he got to have a sleepover at mimi and baba's house.  I was just so grateful for the precious moments I got to hold baby Brinley and realized that life is fleeting, we are only here on earth for a short time and we have to treasure each moment.  Every birth really is a Miracle, there is nothing "routine" about it!  Now I can relax and be excited about being a mimi again!  This pretty little girl looks a lot like her daddy did when he was a baby.  She was born with a head full of black hair just like he was, though his turned totally blond when he was a little boy.  We'll have to see what develops!

Moving Forward

I haven't posted for a couple of weeks, mainly because I've been having a difficult time with my fibro.  The old addage, "If you can't say something nice...." ha.   But also, I haven't had internet.  Our internet will come up for 5 minutes then go down again!  Lame.  A change is a comin'.  I saw my Dr. this week and he changed one of my medications so I am hoping there will be better days ahead. The new med is making me sleepy though, so I'm hoping that will stop soon.  Lame.  Staying positive though!!

I had a playdate with my 3 year old grandson Korbyn last week

and so it was naptime and as we were laying on "mimi's bed" and watching Shrek Christmas Cartoon (yes it is June) for the 47th time--the things we do for our grandchildren :0) He layed his little head right on top of mine with his face right on my cheek.  I didn't want to move... EVER.  What a sweet moment.  So many things ran through my mind, how fleeting the moments are in our lives. If I had declined the opportunity to have the playdate because I didn't feel well, I would have missed out on this moment! I know in just a few short years he will be too old to be coming to playdates with Mimi, he will be off with his friends.  I'm so thankful to have this time with him.  I wish so much I could spend this one-on-one time with my other grandkids.  His little sister is due to be born any day now. I hope I will have the same chance with her to have playdates and special moments.

My mom always made my children and her other grandchildren feel special.  She actually had a birthday party for the Cabbage Patch dolls she bought her three granddaughters for Christmas.  She sent them all invitations to the party and then had the party as if it were for a real person.  It was awesome.  Those girls are all grown now and two of them have children of their own and they are still talking about that party.  I want to be that kind of grandmother. 

Life hands us some crumby stuff sometimes but it is how we choose to handle what we are faced with.  Live each day as if it is your last, be the person you want your family to remember you as, don't sweat the small stuff.  You never know when a golden moment will happen, when you might be cheek to cheek with your grandchild, just for a moment.

on the bright side.....

So I know my memory hasn't been the best in the last year or so... so much so that my family gets a pretty good laugh about it quite often. I was reading about Fibromyalgia and discovered this is one of the symptoms!  Yay!  It isn't my fault and I'm not just getting old!

On the Bright Side, I can rewatch an entire television series and not remember a thing about it so it is like watching it for the first time!!! Ha ha ha.  Seriously, I've been rewatching Lost and it has made me chuckle as I am so engrossed in it I wonder "what is going to happen next???" and then I laugh and realize I've seen this whole thing before you know!  I know my daughter is reading this laughing out loud at me.  I am reminded of those exciting moments when we were actually watching this great series for the first time and the minute it would go to commercial one of us would be calling the other on the phone asking "did you catch this," or "did you see that?"  We were total "Losties" and it was so much fun.  I remember my husband thinking we were crazy (he wasn't a real fan) but even at that time I knew these were golden moments that would never come again. I don't think we ever got through an entire episode without calling each other at least twice.  Ah the memories.

remembering moments

I grew up in a tiny town in Arizona called Eagar.  It is on the far eastern border near the New Mexico state line about in the middle of the state.  I have happy memories of my childhood and my husband and I lived there the first 10 years of our marriage when our children were born and while they were little.  I was lucky to have my two older brothers live there as well.  We all lived within a mile of each other with my parents as well.  It was a wonderful time for all of us. We moved to Utah in 1990.  We went up there the last time we were home.

I'm being nostalgic because right now our beautiful mountains are on fire and we are losing so much of them.  Our surrounding towns are in danger.  It is really scary. http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/06/05/arizona.wildfires/index.html

I think back on all the time we spent on these mountains, the special moments my children spent with my dad camping, building "forts" and the time spent with their uncles and aunts as well.  We had family reunions, family campouts, easter egg hunts and picnics.  My kids still talk about these precious moments with fond memories.  We lost my father to cancer in 1994 so it is heart wrenching to see his mountain home in flames.  He was born and raised in these mountains.  He saw the world change from the transportation of horses to space shuttles. My mom tells me they had to fight to save the old log cabin he lived in as a boy from this devistating fire.  Some of my favorite memories as a child are going up there with him and hearing the stories of his childhood.  This log home is where my parents' love story began as well.  It means everything to me.

It just drives home that we need to remember to cherish every moment, and every memory. My dad spent every minute he could with his grandkids and my husband is doing the same.  It doesn't matter what they are doing, just spending time, that's what is important.  I took this picture when we went to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving.  It thought it showed a precious moment between my husband and our grandson, just looking out the window at the vegas lights.

Sweet Moments

I cherish the moments with my granchildren. I'm blessed to have 6 and 1 on the way, however only 1 (and the 1 on the way) live close to me.  I love spending 1 on 1 time with him.  Memorial Day we got to take him to see Thomas the Train in person and it was so much fun!

What they say is true, "if I had known how much fun grandkids would be I would have had them first!" They love us unconditionally. On the days that are the hardest, when it feels like I'm struggling to find my way and wondering if I can find the good days again, I just have to look into his eyes and hear him say "I need you mimi" and I melt.  It's all worth it.  Never give up, cherish those moments that you are given and hang on to the memories when you are having a hard time.