Accepting the Bad Days

I've had a full week of really Great days in a row, which has been a milestone for me!  I've been afraid to even say it for fear of jinxing it.  Could it be the new combination of meds (Savella and Lyrica) the Dr. put me on?  I haven't used the word Great to describe a day in the last six months.  Any day with my pain level being below a 5 is a really great day.  So I have really been busy with past week enjoying life. The best part of which is the grandkids.  Craiger lives in California so I don't get to see him in person every day, but we ichat.  Isn't he just adorable?

He makes me laugh on the days I need a laugh.  He is so cute and he always smiles when he sees his mimi in the box (the computer).  And then there is the new baby Brinley, oh what joy it is to have her in our lives.

To see her big brother Korbyn be so soft and sweet with her.  He gives her soft kisses on the head and is gentle and sweet around her.  Such special moments. 

So when I wake up today and it is an extremely bad day, it's ok.  For those of you out there who have ups and downs, whatever your case may be, allow yourself the bad day.  Tomorrow will be better.  Life is still good and you will have those times that you can't control.  Allow yourself those times.  Special Moments are in your future, just waiting around the bend.

The Miracle of Life

Faith is something I Feel we are born into this world with.  Little children just automatically have faith that their parents are going to take care of them.  The sun will rise tomorrow morning, life will go on.  We have faith that things in life will turn out ok.  Most of us don't think our life will take the twists and turns that sometimes it does....  This is Brinley Anne Sorensen, my beautiful new granddaughter sleeping sweetly in her daddy's arms:

The morning began just as normal, the labor was normal, not even very painful for my sweet daughter-in-law.  We assumed it would just be a run-of-the-mill delivery.  Not to be. This sweet baby almost didn't make it into our family.  By the time she was delivered there were 15 doctors and nurses in the room, her daddy (my son) was repeatedly asking "is everything ok?" and getting no answer from anyone.  The difficulty didn't end in her finally getting here, once she was here, she was not breathing and no matter what they did, they couldn't get her to breathe.  It took an army, and tons of prayers and tears.  Finally the breath came.  She's ok and we are so grateful she is ours for this time on earth.  All while this was going on her Mimi (me) was sitting in the waiting room without a clue, which was probably a good thing.  I think I would have freaked out on a doctor not giving us any answers!

I think I hugged her little brother Korbyn a little too tightly and little too many times that night.  I was too "mushy" with him.  He didn't understand why.  He was happy his little sister finally came and that he got to have a sleepover at mimi and baba's house.  I was just so grateful for the precious moments I got to hold baby Brinley and realized that life is fleeting, we are only here on earth for a short time and we have to treasure each moment.  Every birth really is a Miracle, there is nothing "routine" about it!  Now I can relax and be excited about being a mimi again!  This pretty little girl looks a lot like her daddy did when he was a baby.  She was born with a head full of black hair just like he was, though his turned totally blond when he was a little boy.  We'll have to see what develops!

Moving Forward

I haven't posted for a couple of weeks, mainly because I've been having a difficult time with my fibro.  The old addage, "If you can't say something nice...." ha.   But also, I haven't had internet.  Our internet will come up for 5 minutes then go down again!  Lame.  A change is a comin'.  I saw my Dr. this week and he changed one of my medications so I am hoping there will be better days ahead. The new med is making me sleepy though, so I'm hoping that will stop soon.  Lame.  Staying positive though!!

I had a playdate with my 3 year old grandson Korbyn last week

and so it was naptime and as we were laying on "mimi's bed" and watching Shrek Christmas Cartoon (yes it is June) for the 47th time--the things we do for our grandchildren :0) He layed his little head right on top of mine with his face right on my cheek.  I didn't want to move... EVER.  What a sweet moment.  So many things ran through my mind, how fleeting the moments are in our lives. If I had declined the opportunity to have the playdate because I didn't feel well, I would have missed out on this moment! I know in just a few short years he will be too old to be coming to playdates with Mimi, he will be off with his friends.  I'm so thankful to have this time with him.  I wish so much I could spend this one-on-one time with my other grandkids.  His little sister is due to be born any day now. I hope I will have the same chance with her to have playdates and special moments.

My mom always made my children and her other grandchildren feel special.  She actually had a birthday party for the Cabbage Patch dolls she bought her three granddaughters for Christmas.  She sent them all invitations to the party and then had the party as if it were for a real person.  It was awesome.  Those girls are all grown now and two of them have children of their own and they are still talking about that party.  I want to be that kind of grandmother. 

Life hands us some crumby stuff sometimes but it is how we choose to handle what we are faced with.  Live each day as if it is your last, be the person you want your family to remember you as, don't sweat the small stuff.  You never know when a golden moment will happen, when you might be cheek to cheek with your grandchild, just for a moment.

on the bright side.....

So I know my memory hasn't been the best in the last year or so... so much so that my family gets a pretty good laugh about it quite often. I was reading about Fibromyalgia and discovered this is one of the symptoms!  Yay!  It isn't my fault and I'm not just getting old!

On the Bright Side, I can rewatch an entire television series and not remember a thing about it so it is like watching it for the first time!!! Ha ha ha.  Seriously, I've been rewatching Lost and it has made me chuckle as I am so engrossed in it I wonder "what is going to happen next???" and then I laugh and realize I've seen this whole thing before you know!  I know my daughter is reading this laughing out loud at me.  I am reminded of those exciting moments when we were actually watching this great series for the first time and the minute it would go to commercial one of us would be calling the other on the phone asking "did you catch this," or "did you see that?"  We were total "Losties" and it was so much fun.  I remember my husband thinking we were crazy (he wasn't a real fan) but even at that time I knew these were golden moments that would never come again. I don't think we ever got through an entire episode without calling each other at least twice.  Ah the memories.

remembering moments

I grew up in a tiny town in Arizona called Eagar.  It is on the far eastern border near the New Mexico state line about in the middle of the state.  I have happy memories of my childhood and my husband and I lived there the first 10 years of our marriage when our children were born and while they were little.  I was lucky to have my two older brothers live there as well.  We all lived within a mile of each other with my parents as well.  It was a wonderful time for all of us. We moved to Utah in 1990.  We went up there the last time we were home.

I'm being nostalgic because right now our beautiful mountains are on fire and we are losing so much of them.  Our surrounding towns are in danger.  It is really scary. http://www.cnn.com/2011/US/06/05/arizona.wildfires/index.html

I think back on all the time we spent on these mountains, the special moments my children spent with my dad camping, building "forts" and the time spent with their uncles and aunts as well.  We had family reunions, family campouts, easter egg hunts and picnics.  My kids still talk about these precious moments with fond memories.  We lost my father to cancer in 1994 so it is heart wrenching to see his mountain home in flames.  He was born and raised in these mountains.  He saw the world change from the transportation of horses to space shuttles. My mom tells me they had to fight to save the old log cabin he lived in as a boy from this devistating fire.  Some of my favorite memories as a child are going up there with him and hearing the stories of his childhood.  This log home is where my parents' love story began as well.  It means everything to me.

It just drives home that we need to remember to cherish every moment, and every memory. My dad spent every minute he could with his grandkids and my husband is doing the same.  It doesn't matter what they are doing, just spending time, that's what is important.  I took this picture when we went to Las Vegas for Thanksgiving.  It thought it showed a precious moment between my husband and our grandson, just looking out the window at the vegas lights.

Sweet Moments

I cherish the moments with my granchildren. I'm blessed to have 6 and 1 on the way, however only 1 (and the 1 on the way) live close to me.  I love spending 1 on 1 time with him.  Memorial Day we got to take him to see Thomas the Train in person and it was so much fun!

What they say is true, "if I had known how much fun grandkids would be I would have had them first!" They love us unconditionally. On the days that are the hardest, when it feels like I'm struggling to find my way and wondering if I can find the good days again, I just have to look into his eyes and hear him say "I need you mimi" and I melt.  It's all worth it.  Never give up, cherish those moments that you are given and hang on to the memories when you are having a hard time. 

Netflix and crosstitch and heating pads, Oh my!

I've had a rough couple of weeks, with few joyful moments but I guess that is to be expected with this disease.  It is hard not to get discouraged but you just have to believe that tomorrow is going to be a better day.  I'm still in the early learning stages.  How many episodes of the TV show Lost can you watch in a week?  hmmm.  I'm embarrassed to tell you the answer to that right now.  But whatever keeps you sane when you can't move much, right?  I'm working on projects I can do with my hands only (cross stitch) and reading and focusing on the positive as much as possible.

I have a friend that I have had since 5th grade who is going through a really rough time right now.  I love her like a sister and wish we lived closer so I could help her through this.  I think about her every day and pray for her every night.  As much pain as I'm going through physically, she is suffering so much more emotionally.  When I think I can't take it any more, I think of her and I know that we are made stronger by the trials we are given in this life.  When we feel we cannot take one more step, our Savior picks us up and carries us.  He would never ask us to endure more than we are capable of.  My best advice for her and any mother going through something so difficult is: remember the precious moments of your life spent with those you love, and look forward to the future.  Know that there will be better days ahead and wonderful, joyous moments and memories yet to be made.

I had lunch with a couple of great friends of mine yesterday, one of which has Fibromyalgia.  She had some great advice to give me and she helped me to refocus and gave me the boost I needed to get my head back in the game.  I had a GREAT moment today.... I doubled my exercise time!  Thanks Nancy!