Netflix and crosstitch and heating pads, Oh my!

I've had a rough couple of weeks, with few joyful moments but I guess that is to be expected with this disease.  It is hard not to get discouraged but you just have to believe that tomorrow is going to be a better day.  I'm still in the early learning stages.  How many episodes of the TV show Lost can you watch in a week?  hmmm.  I'm embarrassed to tell you the answer to that right now.  But whatever keeps you sane when you can't move much, right?  I'm working on projects I can do with my hands only (cross stitch) and reading and focusing on the positive as much as possible.

I have a friend that I have had since 5th grade who is going through a really rough time right now.  I love her like a sister and wish we lived closer so I could help her through this.  I think about her every day and pray for her every night.  As much pain as I'm going through physically, she is suffering so much more emotionally.  When I think I can't take it any more, I think of her and I know that we are made stronger by the trials we are given in this life.  When we feel we cannot take one more step, our Savior picks us up and carries us.  He would never ask us to endure more than we are capable of.  My best advice for her and any mother going through something so difficult is: remember the precious moments of your life spent with those you love, and look forward to the future.  Know that there will be better days ahead and wonderful, joyous moments and memories yet to be made.

I had lunch with a couple of great friends of mine yesterday, one of which has Fibromyalgia.  She had some great advice to give me and she helped me to refocus and gave me the boost I needed to get my head back in the game.  I had a GREAT moment today.... I doubled my exercise time!  Thanks Nancy!

Laughter is the best medicine!

This is my grandson Bladen.  If there is trouble to be found, he finds it.  He's so adorable.  This picture perfectly illustrates the point I want to make today.  Laughter is truly the best medicine.  Years ago when my children were little my lifelong friend taught me a very valuable lesson.  She told me she came into the kitchen to find her 3 year old son on the kitchen floor covered in flour, flour covering the floor, eggs broken, some in a bowl, some on the floor, basically a mess. She asked him what he was doing and he said "making you pancakes mommy."  In my head I was thinking uh, oh, I bet you were mad.  I asked "what did you do?"  Her answer "I ran and got the camera."  My viewpoint totally changed after that.  Instead of an angry situation this was a funny moment captured forever in pictures.

Marie Osmond credits her mom for teaching them a creed that I live by: Someday we are going to laugh about this, why not laugh about it now?  It's true isn't it?  Is there really any situation that happens in life that with time doens't become funny?  I've been known to laugh at the most inappropriate of situations.  Case in point: standing in the receiving line at my father's funeral viewing.  My two older brothers are comedians anyway who make everything funny.  Now of course there was absolutely nothing funny about our father passing away.  But dad had a great sense of humor so I know he was smiling down from heaven when this happened.  My brother didn't have a suit of his own to wear so he went into dad's closet to borrow one.  Dad kept Rolaids in every pocket of every item of clothing he owned.  Now, there was no telling how long this particular roll of Rolaids had been in this pocket, but my brother decided he needed a breath mint and he figured a Rolaid would be "close enough."  I think maybe this roll of Rolaids had been in the pocket a bit past the expiration date because I turned and looked at my brother and he looked at me and his mouth was puckered up and his eyes were popping out of his head.  He couldn't do anything but swallow it.  He started choking and we both burst out laughing.  Not the most appropriate thing to do in a funeral line.  It was extremely hard to get our composure back. But that one moment we shared was priceless.  It was just what we needed at a very sad time.  Take some time to laugh, laughter can be the best medicine!

Taking credit for success

I worked in a university library for nearly 8 years and while there employed many young men and young women. These amazing young people became more than employees to me, they became my surrogate children. Many parents sent their children away to college and I felt that I needed to be there to take care of these kids for the parents who couldn't be there physically for their children. The hard part was they would graduate or get married and have children of their own and leave, much like our own children grow up and leave the nest. The upside is that a few of these stellar young people who have grown into amazing young adults have kept in close touch with me. They have continued to care about me long after the employee/employer relationship ended. I had two of them come visit me at my home on saturday. It was so much fun to catch up on their lives and just converse with them as friends. I realized as they left that I did a pretty good job taking care of these young people through the years. I really loved them and wanted the best for them. Although it was always hard to say goodbye to them, I always shared in their joy at graduation, weddings, babies, etc.

The hardest thing for me when the illness hit was to leave my student employees behind. I know they understood and wanted what was best for me, but that separation was truly a difficult sticking point for me. It took me realizing that I needed to care about myself and get myself healthy so that I could be there for my own grown children, my husband, my mom and especially my grandchildren to make me take the steps I needed to take to get on the road to battling this illness. I am still working on it, but good days are winning over bad!

I'm not alone

First let me say both of my children did an excellent job of choosing mates! My son and daughter-in-law are amazing and I couldn't have chosen better if I had hand picked them myself. But we got a double blessing when we connected with our in-laws! Both families are amazing. How great is that? Having support in all aspects of life is so important but in this disease it is crucial!
My husband and I recently traveled to California to visit our daughter for the baby blessing of our newest grandson. My daughter's father-in-law is always so concerned with my health. It really makes me feel so loved when he asks how I'm doing and I can tell he really wants to know. How adorable is this photo? My husband is on the left and he is on the right.
Yesterday he connected me with an amazing article in the Deseret News that I wanted to share with all my fibro brothers and sisters. It really hit home with me. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705372627/Chronic-fatigue-fibromyalgia-cause-bone-crushing-fatigue-pain-for-many.html

The thing I love about this article is that she talks about how when people ask how are you, your brain goes into overload. At least mine does. How do you answer that simple question that "normal" people answer a hundred times a day. You don't really look sick, you look perfectly fine. Do you say "I'm fine" which is the easiest thing to say. You really aren't fine, you are far from fine, but who wants to hear you talk about how you really are feeling? Most days my biggest sense of accomplishment is that I cleaned the kitchen, YAY! But really that is a big accomplishment. I'm fine with that. I've learned that I have to take my small accomplishments as big like other people would celebrate major accomplishments.

Here is what I have done, maybe this will help others out there struggling to find a sense of accomplishment in the small moments of their lives. I've made a list of things I can do each day that take only about an hour or less (some only 15 minutes). I choose tasks to do according to how well I feel when I wake up in the morning.

clean fridge, vaccum, clean bathroom, clean baseboards, scrapbook, read, indexing for church, cross stitch

This is just a sample of my list. I only choose one or two "chore" items a day. If I try to do more than that, my pain scale rises. If you break down things you can do with your day into small time frames, nothing seems like a mountain too hard to climb. It also gives you a chance to do some things you love to do in between some of the things that are more "chore" in nature. Some days we know are our "bad" days and we are completely down and cannot do anything. Those days happen and we have to allow ourselves to have them. That is the nature of this beast. But that's ok. It is what we do with the good days that count! Give yourself credit for you small accomplishments and Enjoy the moments!

Best advice from my mom

When I was a young mother and struggling, my own mother, wise beyond her years, said something very profound to me. Everything has it's own time. Right now is your time to be a young mom with little children. Enjoy every moment because before you know it, these little children will be grown and gone and have children of their own. Wow, 30 years later I'm holding my youngest grandbaby in my lap wondering how those 30 years slipped through my fingers. My lovely daughter turns 30 this year, which makes me, gulp, 50???? arg. I did think about what my mom said over and over through the years. I made each moment count. The terribly twos weren't so terrible, just challenging because I knew "that too would pass" and I would be on to the next "time" in my adventure of life. The days when I thought I'd go crazy with the bickering between my two children would never end, did end and now they are the best of friends and love each other so much, though they live hundreds of miles apart. I treasured every moment of their teenage years, as trying as some moments were (sigh) because I knew how short 4 years would be in the grand scheme of things. Some of my most treasured moments, looking back were when my son was in college. I worked at the college he was attending and he would come to the library where I worked and eat lunch with me every day. This was such a treat for me to spend this small amount of time, just the two of us. Some days we didn't even talk, he would study, I would read, but just being together, these were precious moments. Now he has a son of his own and a daughter on the way.

I say all this to explain that since my kids grew up and moved on I got caught up in the world of high stress work being the center of my life. My husband and I both worked full time and that was kind of the center of our lives. We spent the weekend with the grandkids if they lived near us and we would vacation to visit those who lived away from, IF we could get the time off of work to visit them. Life was whizzing by at an alarming rate. I can't remember the last time I actually felt good physically but I just kept ignoring every sign. Finally the pain took over and I had to seek help. I was in such denial! Isn't it funny how we just don't like to face our own truth. It was a really tough decision for me to have to leave my job. I really loved it and the people I worked with, but I had to try to get healthy.

I've now reached a new "time" in my life to take care of myself, to spend moments doing things for myself, to spend time with my family, and to learn how to live well with this disease.